Welcome to Ravenclaw, Newbie
by Ardeths Deadly Ferret
Summary: Follow the adventures of Alice Robins, first year in the house of Ravenclaw. Includes pamphlets entitled, "So You're Going To Be Ignored", Ravenclaw's very own tour guide, coffee, and of course The Boy Who Lived. Ravenclaw will no longer be mysterious aft
1. Down The Rabbit Hole

Disclaimer: I do not and never will own Harry Potter or anything associated with it. They belong to JK Rowling. I'm not even going to claim ownership over the original characters used due to the fact that they wouldn't exist without the Harry Potter series, but that doesn't give you a reason to use them. I also do not own Alice in Wonderland, I'm just using a few names and wording from the story.  
  
Author's Note: Ever noticed how the Ravenclaws are never mentioned in the book? They're there. None of them talk except for a scattered few. Have we ever been in the Ravenclaw Common Room? No. Do we know what the average Ravenclaw thinks about? No. And so, in the spirit of the Ravenclaws, I give you,  
  
Welcome to Ravenclaw, Newbie  
  
It was all rather amazing to Alice. Ever since her letter of acceptance to Hogwarts had come, Alice's life had changed drastically. First of all, her mother had stopped leaving windows open. The woman had become paranoid with the owl flying into their house and all. Alice's parents were muggles, after all.  
  
Getting all her supplies for school had been very exciting. And she couldn't forget the train. The Hogwarts Express was amazing. And the platform! Alice still giggled whenever she thought of herself running through a wall.  
  
Now, Alice was standing with all the other first years, waiting to be sorted. Alice was so excited. She felt as if she were-  
  
"PSSSST! HEY! PSSSSSST!" Someone whispered rather loudly. Which makes no sense. How does one whisper loudly? I suppose it is an oxymoron.  
  
Alice turned her head, looking for the source of the oxymoron. Whoever it was, they were awfully rude for interrupting her stereotypical first year jitters. Did nobody have any sort of decency these days?  
  
"Hey! When people say PSSST, you're supposed to answer, batbrain!" Alice frowned and turned all the way around, coming face to face with another girl.   
  
"Yaaaaagh!" Shrieked Alice.  
  
" Hello, Yaaaaaagh. I'm Erin." Said the strange girl. She had mud brown hair and eyes to match.   
  
" Actually, my name is Alice." Replied Alice, which was strangely redundant. She held out her hand. Her parents had always told her to be polite and make a good first impression.  
  
Alice's parents, however, had never told Alice how to react when someone embraces you in a crushing hug instead of shaking your hand in a polite, yet distant response.  
  
" Nice to meet you. Want to be friends? I'd like a friend and we are about the same height. I like things to be equal. What's wrong with your hair, though? It is yellow."  
  
Alice flushed and stared at the floor. When she had gotten one of her spell-books, she had attempted to make her usually sandy hair become more blonde. It had failed. The result: yellowness.   
  
" I would like to be your friend. Thank you, Erin." Alice responded, nodded. Erin opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off as the previously lifeless hat on a stool began to sing.  
  
" It's alive!" Exclaimed Alice, jumping backwards.  
  
" Of course, you dunce! It sorts us into our houses." Erin whispered fiercely.  
  
" Oh." Said Alice, glancing at the hat as if it might leap off the stool and attempt to devour her head. Alice had an awfully tasty head.  
  
After the song had finished, the Sorting began. Alice watched, fascinated, while Erin yawned throughout the entire scene. By the time Alice's name was called, Erin appeared to be sleeping on her feet.  
  
" Robins, Alice!" Alice adjusted her yellow hair and marched up to the hat. She sat on the stool and the world disappeared as the sorter was placed on her head.  
  
"You've got all the qualities of a Ravenclaw." Whispered the voice of the hat.  
  
" Um...yay?" Said Alice.  
  
" Yay, indeed. Rowena Ravenclaw was quite the vixen. If only I had been human..."  
  
" Oh God!"  
  
"RAVENCLAW!!!!"  
  
(Coming Next Time: Alice and Erin get the grand tour of Ravenclaw's Common Room) 


	2. Tour Guide

Disclaimer: See chapter one for details.  
  
Author's Note: Thanks to my three reviewers. Seriously, you guys made my day.  
  
Also, sorry this is getting out so late! My internet went down for a bit as it tends to do often.   
  
Tour Guide  
  
The new Ravenclaw students were huddled in a small group. They stood in the Ravenclaw Common Room, glancing around nervously as if the walls might fall in on them. There were quite a few protection spells, so the odds of the walls falling were slim, but it could still happen. Maybe.  
  
Alice stared at the sixth year prefect who had guided them to the tower. His name was Terry Boot and Alice briefly wondered if somebody in his family made shoes. Or boots. Was there a difference between shoes and boots? Alice filed that question away in the back of her mind. She would find the answer later.  
  
" Welcome to the Ravenclaw House," Said Terry after a few minutes. Several older students had gathered behind Terry and were lounging on furniture, watching the new students closely.  
  
" During the school year, you'll notice a few things," Terry continued. He had a nice voice. One that sounded like it belonged to a manly squirrel. " First of all, Ravenclaw is an independent house. Meaning, while all the other houses take sides and bicker amongst themselves, we stay secluded and neutral. I'll state a few of the general common courtesy rules and then I'll turn you over to our house tour guide. First of all, no breaking the 'mysterious house' stereotype. Don't go prancing about the school showing your pride for Ravenclaw. That right is reserved for one student, Luna Lovegood, whom you will be introduced to in a moment," Terry took a breath and paused for a moment.   
  
" Second rule, get good grades. We're not the house of the intelligent for nothing. Yes, I'm aware that you can be smart and not get good grades, but at least try, for Merlin's sake. Lastly, have fun. We take pride on having happy students. Now, I yield to Spaniel Bats, our tour guide." Terry bowed briefly. There was a scattered applause as the prefect sat down in one of the Common Room armchairs. Alice decided that Ravenclaw was also quite weird.  
  
A medium height boy with light brown hair and dark blue robes walked to the front of the group. He was dragging a box on the floor, which he arranged right in front of the new students. The boy stood on the box and cleared his throat.  
  
" Greetings, new students. My name's Spaniel Bats. I'm warning you know, anybody who makes snippy remarks about my name, will find themselves hanging upside down, out a window," Several of the first years gulped. Erin, who was standing next to Alice, looked like she was in love.  
  
" First order of business, your mental map. Getting yourself around the school will be hard, but you'll learn. Finding your way around our tower is even easier. Behind me there are two sets of stairs. The one on the right leads to the girls' dorms. The one on the left leads to the boys' dorms. Don't try to get into the opposite sexes' dorm. It won't work," There was a wave of snickers and whispers of, " He said Sex!" Spaniel did not look amused. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a large number of pamphlets. He passed them out to the first years.   
  
Alice took a pamphlet and looked at it with a raised eyebrow. It declared, it bold lettering, "So you're going to be ignored....". Alice sensed something bad about that. And it wasn't all that pumpkin juice she drank at the feast.  
  
" Around the school, you'll notice that the Ravenclaws are never noticed. Never talked to. The only Ravenclaw who really does something is Luna Lovegood. She's the pale beauty sitting in front of the fire. Everyone wave to Luna," The first years all turned in union to look at Luna. She was one strange girl. When the first years didn't wave, Spaniel snarled at them. Everyone gulped and waved frantically. Apparently, Spaniel wasn't named after a dog for nothing.  
  
" Just so you know ahead of time, Ravenclaws have the option of becoming evil. You see, we're SO ignored that we could be become the rulers of something really evil and nobody would notice. Jim Cones is the head of our Ravenclaws Gone Evil -also known as RGE- club." A pale boy with a forked tongue and small red eyes hissed at them. The students closest to him moved away.  
  
"That is all for now. If you have any questions, don't feel nervous to ask one of the older students. We're here to help you." With that, Spaniel leapt of the box and walked over to join Luna in front of the fire. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him. Erin growled low in her throat.  
  
" Curse that Luna Lovegood! She's charmed my man into thinking he's in love with her." Alice turned to her new and strange friend.  
  
" Your man?" She echoed.  
  
" Yes! And Luna has obviously got some sort of spell over him. Can you not see the dazed look in his eyes?"  
  
" Um, I think that is the look of happiness." But Erin wasn't listening. She was muttering to herself about Luna being the spawn of evil. Alice sighed and looked at the floor.   
  
It was going to be a long year.  
  
(Coming Next Time: First day of classes and meeting the Boy Who Lived.) 


	3. A Brief Interlude

Author's Note: Sooooooo sorry that I haven't updated in a while! I had a chronic case of writers' block. In fact, I still have it. So, you're getting this mini-chapter to hold you guys off until my muses get the message that I NEED THEM!   
  
Oh, by the way, OOTP spoilers in this chapter. Although, I doubt you would be reading Harry Potter fanfiction if you have not read the newest book!  
  
Interlude  
  
Somewhere in the land of the dead...  
  
"So, you are a physic mouse?" Asked Sirius Black. He glanced at his companion and fellow dead creature.  
  
"Oh, yeah." Replied Tim the physic mouse. "I can talk too. As you've noticed. I'm the result of those weird experiments those muggles do. Too bad I got eaten by a monkey." Sirius wrinkled in his nose in disdain.  
  
"A monkey?" He repeated.  
  
"Yup. Those monkeys can be vicious when they're hungry. It bashed open its cage and came straight at me. Wanna play chess?"  
  
"Fine, but I'm not sure I believe you." A chess board appeared between the mouse and the man.  
  
" This coming from the man who can change into a dog. Was best friends with a werewolf, a guy who could change into a stag, and another who could change into a rat. You come from a place where trees *attack* you, man!" Sirius hid his laughter behind his hand. Being yelled at by someone with a very high-pitched voice didn't really help the message to sink in. To stop his laughter, Sirius moved one of his pieces on the board. Tim looked at the board, closed his eyes, and suddenly one of his pieces lifted in the air and moved to another part of the board. Sirius frowned. Tim suddenly pointed to something behind Sirius.  
  
" Look! Your mama!" Sirius squeaked in terror and whirled around. Tim moved one of his pieces several times on the board. Sirius turned back around.  
  
" That wasn't my mom. That was just a cactus."  
  
"Checkmate!"  
  
"Dammit." 


End file.
